Going From Wiccan To 3rd Generation Athiest

[Chiropter]

How in the world does brain wiring invalidate accomplishments?

If someone told my mother or my best friend their accomplishments and achievements meant nothing because they have formal diagnoses of neurodiverse brains, I'd be deeply offended on their behalf. And the person claiming that would be wrong in every way.

 

[BunnyJen90]

Sorry I never meant to be offensive. It's just I feel like nothing I do matters. But I often feel this way just because I like to feel sorry for myself and I blame part of that on the fact that I was spoiled as a little kid. I'll admit to being a spoiled brat. It's just I can remember when I was sad as a kid getting a lot of attention from my parents to the point that today I'll feel sad just because it reminds me of that attention. Sorry if that sounds kind of weird but that's the best way I can explain it.

 

[Chiropter]

I mean this genuinely, not in snark or sarcasm, but that's the kind of thing to take to therapy. Not sure where you're located or what kind of insurance you have, but there's zero reason to feel guilty over getting attention from your parents, and zero reason to be down on yourself (or anyone else) because your brain runs slightly differently than you thought.

A good therapist is trained to help work through that in a healthy way and can offer far more concrete support than strangers on a message board. They can also help sort through the grief and frustration of losing a deeply held but wrong belief, like the existence of magic or the power or prayer.

I know it hurts, and (any) religion can be so bound up in other parts of our identities that it's hard to untangle. That's where going to a secular, trained professional can do a lot of good. Sorting that out before you unintentionally alienate and insult people for their own brain chemistry can only help you.

 

[BunnyJen90]

I already see a psychologist and she was the one that brought it to my attention that I actually like to be sad as weird as that may sound. Part of it is because of the attention my parents would give me when sad growing up. Also whenever I'm happy my adhd tends to show and I'm much more energetic and perky to that point that I worry that if I'm happy and energetic especially at work others will look at me as weird and start to suspect I have adhd and I'll end up losing my job just because I have adhd. Besides and maybe this is because I'm so use to sadness but something about feeling happy feels weird to me. The best I can describe it is the energy of the emotion. When I feel happy I feel this lighter more airy energy compared when I feel sad in which I feel a more heavy energy. The energy that I feel when sad just feels more comfortable and soothing somehow. It doesn't help that because of my spoiled childhood I associate that feeling with getting attention. Anyway its been a couple of weeks since I last seen my counselor maybe with all that im going through with losing my belief in wicca and magic I should see her more often. It has been really hard going from being Wiccan and believing in magic to going atheist. There are still times I greatly wish magic was real. Also might help if I was to talk more to my dad about what I'm going through since for the longest time he was atheist.

 

[Valerie Jonson]

I'm not so sure the things I do matter. I've heard about people with adhd and autism being able to accomplish stuff but I've always brushed it off because they still have adhd or autism. So why should anything I do matter when I have adhd and autism. I could even be the most powerful person in the world and it still wouldn't matter because I have adhd and autism. Sorry if it seems I'm getting into an argument.

I don't think it sounds like you're getting into an argument. I do think you're not giving yourself the credit you deserve.

For some of us (myself very much included) it isn't easy, but be kind to yourself. You're worth it. Don't forget that, even when it doesn't feel like it's true.

 

[Ubi Dubium]

"It has been really hard going from being Wiccan and believing in magic to going atheist."

There's some comforting things about being an atheist, though. For instance, when some random bad thing happens to you, a lot of religions put the blame on you. Christians will claim that god is testing you, or punishing you for bad thoughts or not praying enough, or some such. NewAge beliefs might say that the universe is sending you negative energy because you aren't thinking enough positive thoughts. Perhaps Wicca has something similar? But once you let all that go, you can realize that sometimes shit just happens. You didn't do anything to deserve it, you aren't being punished, it's not personal. It's just a random die roll, and everybody gets crapped on sometimes.

 

[WereBear]

But even if I am really smart does it even matter when I have ADHD and autism.

Yes, it does matter. It means you have to craft your own ambitions and goals, build a unique structure for methods and means of support. It might be better to become inner-directed. Though resources are still important, you don't have to adapt to the values of any one culture.

If you think it's easier to just be "normal" you might not know how much pressure even non-ND people are under from highly conformist cultures. (But it always boils over. I read true crime.) People under such stress "leak" with damaging behaviors, or violently revert to their "true mean." Therapy can help people get over these stresses and recover who they really are, and you are way ahead of the game there.

Don't mistake average for normal, I always say.

So, you've been saved from that, especially the more you embrace your actual skills and abilities, instead of ones you wish you had. Wishing is an important step, but that's just the visualization stage. There are many more until we get there in reality, but they are all important steps.

People who have been actually/metaphorically beaten into compliance can't get past those more complex steps. So they're stuck with nothing more than wishing. Which is a horrible circle of hell right there.

You seem to have internalized any form of neurodivergence as an automatic drag on your performance, when that's not so.

I'm 99% sure Kafka was ND, but it didn't interfere with his incredible writing. In fact, I think he used it to enhance his art.

 

[WereBear]

It has been really hard going from being Wiccan and believing in magic to going atheist.

It's funny, I never believed in magic, except in a Jungian synchronicity kind of way. I got out of Christianity and into Wiccan without any of its magic promises: I want to love something spiritual that would love me back, and Wiccan freed my head in a lot of ways.

Prepared me for the Tao, which seem like a form of Deism, except it's not worship of the unknowable. It's a reliable guide to grappling with reality and ethics and other people.

If religion means magic to you, it doesn't matter which one we choose. None of them performs as promised.

While, for me, the Tao grows with me, and supports my growth. It's a belief system, but it's rooted in reality. And that's where we all dwell, and where dreams actually come true.

How hard is this transition from magic to reality? How much do you misunderstand your own being? I hope you come to value your gifts, and turn such an attitude around. Good luck.