I Was A Christian Kid Bingo Card

Ubi Dubium

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Mar 4, 2022
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We used to do political signs for candidates, but my husband got a job that disallows endorsing candidates, so we had to stop that. My car has an Invisible Pink Unicorn emblem on it, which is very subtle and only recognized by a few people who already know what it is. Which is fine by me. Otherwise my car is purple, and that's what gets all the attention.

For the merch, I had the "Coca-cola/Jesus" thing as a sew-on patch as a teenager, and later my kids got given loads of Veggie-tales stuff by my fundie brother-in-law. We enjoyed the silly songs, and used the stories to spark discussions with the kids as to whether the advice Bob and Larry were giving was actually good advice or no. Which I'm pretty sure is not how my brother-in-law meant us to use them.
 

Melody

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Mar 2, 2022
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You didn't read Narnia?

As an ex evangelical I can check off 10 of those (besides the free speech) but I don't get any bingos. Some I didn't count are subject to interpretation a bit, I stacked chairs because someone needed to and though I didn't do it to impress anyone I did want to carry enough for it not to be embarrassing. Others are a bit too Pentecostal.
Same! With a bit of cheating I can sort of get a bingo or two, but mostly I miss 1 or 2 out of every row to get a genuine bingo. Still can fill more than half of the card though, just those pesky rows...
 

Melody

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Mar 2, 2022
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My (grand)parents still had a bunch of those cross in your pocket cards lying about somewhere.

I proudly wore my Ichthus fish necklace as a teen but was appalled when someone thought is was meant to be star sign and I had to explain that it wasn't! 😱 And it also made me wonder to what extent it was doing its witnessing message, because clearly it wasn't as much of a "I am a Christian" signal as I thought it was.
 

Melody

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Mar 2, 2022
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Fair point.

Not so much on the merch, though. I recognise a fair percentage of them, but even if I include "I might have had / worn that" I only get 5.

It was always a big thing in the family having Christadelphian bumper stickers on cars. Every time parents or some siblings get a different car you'd hear them go "Is anyone still printing these? Are there any around?" But I never had one on one of my cars. Didn't want one. Maybe if someone had pushed me hard enough I would have given in, but no-one did.

Seriously, why would I want to draw attention to myself? To be fair, it wasn't just about religion - I don't have any bumper stickers on my car, and never have - but of course I was a little ashamed of it, and not wanting to draw too much attention to myself, even when I believed it true. In spite of that awful "If you're ashamed of me, I'll know at the judgement" verse...
I hated that verse so much because I was quite ashamed of being a very strict Christian at first, compared to the other Protestant kids at my school, and later about being one alltogether. I was ashamed of the image of Christians and their intolerance and meanness that they displayed so easily and unashamedly and because I conflated that with being ashamed of Jesus I felt guilty about it all the time. It was no so much Jesus I was ashamed of, but more everything else...
 

LeekSoup

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Mar 13, 2022
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I hated that verse so much because I was quite ashamed of being a very strict Christian at first, compared to the other Protestant kids at my school, and later about being one alltogether. I was ashamed of the image of Christians and their intolerance and meanness that they displayed so easily and unashamedly and because I conflated that with being ashamed of Jesus I felt guilty about it all the time. It was no so much Jesus I was ashamed of, but more everything else...

I found the "Save me Jesus.... from your followers" joke very funny for similar reasons.
 

WereBear

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Mar 2, 2022
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Whoa, I couldn't win anything with my card, because so much of it is time-and-place specific, but also, being surrounded by people, and government officials, who are all living in distorted ways that could never be looked at directly, like a sun in eclipse.

We made macaroni pictures in VBS, but I did go to church camp that was so Christian we never did anything fun, like make crafts or toast marshmallows around a bonfire telling ghost stores. We couldn't tell ghost stories! Because there was only Holy Ghost.

It was on a lake but no swimming because bathing suits. I was so bored I got in trouble fidgeting. And the only book we were allowed to bring was our personal Bibles. If you had a square saying "Girls get white ones, boys get black" it would capture the intensity which with they hated teens for thinking about gender roles when all they talked about was gender roles.

This was before Christian persecution and marketing became so strong. And in addition, it was Florida. That's a special kind of weird only Carl Hiassen has captured in his comic crime novels.
 

Chiropter

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Mar 2, 2022
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Definitely bingo, nearly a blackout. I always thought tongues sounded weird, I didn't have a specific bedtime prayer because that was too close to papist chanting, and I was always too shy to shout Amen. This is marginally more charismatic than my tradition, but not by much!
 

Stickly Prickly

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Mar 2, 2022
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7, no bingo. Had a bland bedtime prayer because I had to say it out loud in front of our parents, and I knew instinctively better than to pray about any of my real concerns.

No swearing and no alcohol were big things, I nearly got spanked once for saying "gosh". Only men were allowed to shout "amen" during the sermon, women have to stay silent.

Did read Narnia (and being clueless, completely missed the Christian allegory until until it was pointed out to me years later), but was also allowed to read Harry Potter.

Decided at age 8 I was never getting married, but still hoped Jesus wouldn't return (and felt guilty about it). No nightmares about demons specifically, but lots of insomnia for fear of hell in general.